I Hate I.T.
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I Hate I.T.

Some of us work in I.T. Some of us have to deal with I.T. All of us hate it. Finally, apparel that unites both sides of the help desk.

Shop the merch →Pick your side

Tip: if this page looks broken, have you tried turning it off and on again?

Pick your side.

Two kinds of people hate I.T. They just hate it from opposite ends of the same support ticket.

Side A · The I.T. Person

I work in I.T., and that is why I hate I.T.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?" (Asked 40 times a day. Correct 39 times.)

  • A ticket marked URGENT!!! because the printer is "being weird." It's out of paper.
  • Finding the admin password on a sticky note. On the monitor. Of the person who asked for admin access.
  • "I didn't touch anything." The registry would like a word.
  • Being asked to "quickly look at" a laptop at a family barbecue.
  • Nobody notices when everything works. Everybody notices when it doesn't.
  • "Can you just make it do the thing?" Which thing? "You know. The thing."
Gear for the help desk
Side B · The I.T. Victim

I have to deal with I.T., and that is why I hate I.T.

"It worked yesterday." (It did. That's the whole point.)

  • A mandatory password change every 30 days. It must not resemble any of your last 24 passwords, your pet, or joy.
  • The spinning wheel. Your one constant companion, right before a deadline.
  • Being asked "Did you restart it?" in a tone that suggests you are a golden retriever.
  • An update installing itself at 9:58 for your 10:00 presentation.
  • Reply-all storms: 400 people asking 400 other people to stop replying all.
  • Your ticket was closed as "Resolved." Nothing was resolved.
Gear for the victims

Live support, sort of.

A dramatic re-enactment of a real ticket, which is to say every ticket. Any resemblance to your actual office is entirely your office's fault.

Ticket #000451: Printer is brokenURGENT!!!
Submitted by
Dave (Accounting)
Priority
Critical. Business is at a standstill.
Category
Printer (emotionally)
Status
RESOLVED

Dave: printer broken. need ASAP. URGENT. very urgent.

Dave: also cc'ing your manager

I.T.: Can you describe the issue?

Dave: it's not printing. i didn't touch anything

I.T.: Added paper.

Dave: was that really the issue?? weird. it worked yesterday

Dave: survey: 2/5 stars, "took a while"

The I.T. glossary, honestly translated.

A phrasebook for both sides. Laminate it. Tape it next to the password sticky note.

"Quick question"

Anyone, ever

A 45-minute question. Possibly a 3-day project.

"It's a known issue"

I.T.

We know. We've known for years. It's load-bearing.

"I didn't touch anything"

Users

I touched everything, then a few extra things.

"Scheduled maintenance"

I.T.

Something broke, and we gave it a calendar invite.

"Per my last email"

Everyone

A polite, professional way to scream.

"Works on my machine"

Developers

Then we'll ship your machine.

"Should only take five minutes"

The optimist

See you next Tuesday.

"Legacy system"

I.T.

Nobody knows how it works, and the guy who did retired to a boat.

"The cloud"

Marketing

Someone else's computer, also broken, but further away.

Frequently Asked Complaints

Answers to the questions both sides keep asking. Mostly at 4:55 on a Friday.

Which side am I on?

If you've ever said "have you tried restarting it?" you're Side A. If you've ever been asked that and quietly died inside, you're Side B. If both, congratulations: you're the person who does I.T. for your whole family. We're so sorry.

Can I wear this to the office?

Yes. Wear it to the stand-up. Wear it on the all-hands. Wear it while submitting a ticket about the shirt. Results may vary with your HR department.

Is this merch compatible with my system?

It is compatible with humans of most sizes, no drivers required. No firmware updates, no reboot, no monthly password change. Honestly the most reliable tech you'll own.

Do you actually hate I.T.?

Lovingly, yes. The way you hate your favorite sports team, your old car, and the group chat. Nobody here hates the people. Just the printer.

My order isn't loading. What should I do?

Have you tried turning it off and on again? (Kidding. Head over to shop.ihateit.net.)

Testimonials (fictional, obviously)

⚠ Comedy alert: these are made-up characters, not real customer reviews.
★★★★★
"Wore it to the office. I.T. fixed my laptop in record time, purely out of solidarity. Also, the printer is broken."
Dave from AccountingSide B, submitted 14 URGENT tickets this week
★★★★★
"I pointed at my shirt instead of explaining DNS again. Saved me roughly four hours a week."
Priya, SysadminSide A, last took a lunch break in 2019
★★★★☆
"Great shirt. Minus one star because I tried to reset its password and nothing happened."
Gary, Regional ManagerSide B, password is still "Password1"

Shop the merch.

Wearable grievances for both sides of the help desk. No ticket required, no hold music, and the checkout actually works.

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I Hate I.T. shop.ihateit.net

Status: ● Operational (for once)